Have you heard about The Dolphin Studio FUND DRIVE? 

For the month of November we are focusing on raising money to support a scholarship we created for my son, Ben Paley, shortly after he died on July 30, 2019.  It was a steamy hot Tuesday - exactly 365 days after the passing of my dear friend Bridget at 58.  

(Summer Solstice 1995)

Ben had a precarious prognosis having been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy when he was just two-and-a-half years old.  Much to our medical professionals’ surprise, Ben lived a life full of adventure, great music and friends for far longer than the 18 months we were told to expect back when he was a toddler.  

(Ben on his grandpa John's lap at John's 67th birthday party)

After what now seems like a momentary freak out, but was likely the longest couple weeks of my life, we leaned into western medicine, augmented with all sorts of alternative healing modalities…  Mixed it all together and a magical balance of exceptional life quality and good health resulted. 

(Ben playing his first guitar at John and Primm's house, Stockbridge, MA c. 1999)

For his seventh birthday Ben got his first guitar and amp and lessons with a local musician friend.  Guitar lessons with Rob became the highlight of Ben’s weeks.  A couple years in Rob invited to assist with open mic Wednesdays at Club Helsinki in downtown Great Barrington where we lived.  Suddenly Ben was hanging out with awesome musicians (in his GLORY) for guitar lessons AND open mics.  He learned about soundboards and performing with an audience.  The joy he found was AMAZING to witness.  It did feel a little weird, for a minute, to allow my tween kid to hang out in a bar one night a week.

As a teen, Ben moved in with his dad and worked at Paley’s Farm Market helping to run the spring and summertime shop stocked full of the best fruits and vegetables that area had to offer.  Ben was a fan favorite of The Farm’s customers, many of whom had watched him grow up on his ‘dad weekends’.  

Ben’s circle of friends expanded in 10th grade when he started at Housatonic Valley Regional High School in Falls Village CT.  His dream to settle into music more seriously with a band - came to fruition.  Starship to Pluto won The  Battle of The Bands his senior year - Band mates still refer to Ben’s channeled mastery that night as otherworldly.

(Battle of the Bands - L to R: Ben, Van Daalhuyzen, Dylan Vladikin 2012)

For a couple of summers before his high school graduation Ben got to attend The Berklee College of Music summer program in Boston.  Sessions were a deep dive into Ben’s passion and ignited a drive to attend the school as a college student.  He graduated with a double major in Guitar and Production in 2017.
Go Ben! 

Lionel Richie spoke at graduation and blew us all away with his wise words encouraging possibility and setting and attaining commitment to follow your heart and creativity.

Ben’s Boston years meshed with those of his high school bandmates and the three of them built a community of notable players fusing jazz, funk, and rap into genre-defying sound that blasted off into a realm of high praise and fan girls (I was one of them!)

The Lost Collective - a 12 piece band with horn section fronted by three rappers and a melodic, classically trained singer was a passion project - Ben called himself lead guitar and band mom.  They played the Middle East in Cambridge every month to growing crowds.

Ben played weddings all across New England with The Silver Arrow Band and taught guitar to kids at Note-worthy Experiences Music Studio in Sudbury MA.  A few of his students drew him cute pictures and wrote him super sweet get well cards when he was in the hospital.  I wish I could have met them.

He was driven to stretch his abilities and knowledge - always eager to learn new things and test himself.  Bruce, Ben’s guitar teacher/mentor stayed on his weekly schedule right up til he died.  Bruce was an important person in Ben’s life - I wish I had met him.

The year prior to his death, Ben began to find it hard to catch his breath, extreme temperatures exacerbated the issue.  He required more and more rest and napped each afternoon. In May 2018 we decided to learn more about a heart/lung transplant - which was the only treatment offered - other than the medications he had been taking since diagnosis.

His evaluation for a transplant was a long and arduous process that spanned an entire 12 month period.  Procedures, tests, evaluations, and educational sessions were scheduled at least once a week forcing us all to think about Ben’s mortality more closely than we ever had.  To keep his spirits up, his dad and/or I joined him for his medical appointments and tried to help navigate the intricacies of The United States of America medical  system cluster fuck.

When the heart transplant doctor at Mass General said she was worried about Ben we decided that worry wasn’t really what we needed in a doctor so we switched to the other heart/lung transplant clinic in Boston at The Brigham. Dr. Michael Givertz there set us at ease with our first interaction.  Betsy Blume, head of the heart transplant clinic at Boston Children' s Hospital,  was Ben’s pediatric cardiologist and an integral part of our process, supporting us from her side of the medical system and being a consistent familiar and trusted presence.

The weekend before he passed, Ben was scheduled to play at The Revere Beach Sandcastle Festival.  It was a relentlessly hot Saturday and seemed like a risky way to spend a day.  Being ‘the mom’ I had to gently share my concern and let Ben decide what he would do.  That Saturday afternoon I got a video text from Ben at soundcheck.  He is set up, testing out his gear - “check, check”, panning the stage from one band member to the next.  Then to the throngs of awaiting fans cheering them to get started.  His caption was simple “This does not suck.”

Right up til the end.  Music was his healer.  

It has taken me a few years to find a way to communicate about this part of my history without spiraling into a giant grief hole.  Hosting The Dolphin Studio FUND DRIVE to build Ben’s legacy is working really well - a place for me to process my loss and positively impact others as Ben did to so many.

WAYS TO DONATE TO BEN'S SCHOLARSHIP FUND

1. 2027 POSTER CALENDAR  Proceed from this calendar goes directly to the Ben Scholarship fund.

2. A 4-color GUITAR PRINT  created by Ben's littlesister Lucy. The print is of a couple of Ben's guitars. The print is $32, all of which goes directly to Ben’s Scholarship.

3. We’ve recently added a new way to donate at checkout! If neither of these products interests you, you can always donate a small amount using the new Donate button at checkout.
4.  If you would like to donate directly to the fund - that is always an option too.

Our long-term goal is to raise enough money to award a full 2 or 4 year scholarship to a deserving applicant each year.  Any help you can offer will build Ben’s legacy and nudge us closer to our goal.